breastfeeding journey

It has been quite the journey. & although this topic may be awkward for some to talk about and read about, I really wanted to type this journey up to remember it. So if you don't want to hear about boobs, nipples etc... then keep scrolling!

I am 4 months in to this journey and although I pray I am no where being done yet, I am incredibly thankful for the 4 months & proud of myself. There have been some really tough times, but some really wonderful ones too.
When he first latched after he entered into the world, I remember thinking so many things. "Am I doing this right?" being one of them. Thankfully he latched perfectly and ate for roughly 40 minutes. Will and I kept asking each other if this is normal and this has to be good, right? HA Such paranoid first time parents. The next night he cluster fed ALL night long. Can you say OUCH!?! I had no idea that breastfeeding makes you have postpartum contractions, which is helping your uterus get back to it's normal size, but wow, that and my nipples. Thank goodness for nipple cooling pads. At this point my milk wasn't in yet. Whoever said breastfeeding only hurts if you're doing it wrong is wrong themselves.
When we got home, the nipple pain continued x10 and lots of tears were shed by me. I absolutely dreaded the next feeding because of the pain. Then my milk came in & my breasts were so engorged. I was leaking like crazy and none of my bras fit, not that I wanted any bras on. I just remember thinking, when is this going to get better? Everyone talks about how beautiful breastfeeding is, but I was miserable. I barely made I through his first doctor's appointment without crying because they were so engorged.
His pediatrician told me that the first 2-3 weeks are the worse. If you can make it through the first weeks, then she promised it got better, and it would be worth it.
& it did. Slowly my milk regulated to his schedule, my nipples stopped hurting, and I wasn't leaking like crazy. I was actually enjoying myself, and most importantly, he was growing like a weed! The only big issue I had was I got a breast infection (mastitis) when he started sleeping through the night. Which was very painful (like having the flu), but we got through it together, and are better for it!

(^after nursing on the beach^)

It's been such a learning experience for me. It has truly humbled me to my core. To provide food for my child to grow-Wow! It still gives me goose bumps. I am so thankful for how beautiful our bodies are, and all they can do. I am by no means an expert, and I learn something new everyday. One thing I will say, is that you need a support system, especially at the beginning. Will & my Mom were always there for me when it was rough, and I wanted to give up. It's important to have people to talk too.

The most important thing for Will & I at the end of the day was that Grayson was getting fed. If I was unable to breast feed for whatever reason, then we were totally fine with formula. I am so grateful for this experience & will always hold this time in my heart forever.

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