7.5.15

motherhood

This weekend is extra special for me. I get to celebrate Mother's Day for the first time. & while I've only technically been a Mom for 2 months and some change, it's been the hardest, most rewarding 2 months of my life. I wanted to reflect on what my days of being a Mom are like right now because I know each year will bring me new challenges as our family grows.
 
Grayson 8 weeks old

Motherhood. The first few weeks were hard, yet so beautiful. Staring at this tiny person sleeping, who just two days ago was kicking inside of you is such a surreal thing. Seeing pictures of me pregnant now & I think, it was him all along. God knew.
 
 
2 months in & I can still think back to life before Grayson, before pregnancy and I can think of how easy it was to just pick up and go. Not a care in the world. When we thought midnight was late. Sleeping in on the weekends was guaranteed. Waking up in the middle of the night to roll over. Our floors weren't crowded with toys. But, we felt something missing from our lives. We yearned for more and asked God to guide us. He did. He brought us a gift. A gift that has brought more joy, laughter, tears, lessons, disagreements. A gift that has humbled us to our core and made us better. Better people, better to each other. It has deepened our love.
 

 
So while my days are messy- A lot of poop, pee, drool, most days I am covered in one of those some how or someway. My days aren't glamorous. In the beginning it was a great day if I got dressed or brushed my teeth. But it got better. We found some what of a routine. I learned to trust my instincts more. We got to know each other better. I now know your different cries, grunts or when you are about to poop or get upset. Although we still have some tough days, we have some really great ones as well. You have us on a pretty demanding breastfeeding schedule (no one told me how demanding BF was-more on that later) but watching you grow from milk I am supplying you with is literally the most amazing thing. For that I am grateful. I will do just about anything to make you smile. Sing, dance, both at the same time. You are worth it, You are my gift.

 
Although Grayson can't thank me for being his Mom or tell me he loves me yet, I already know he does. Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to those milestones, but sometimes no words are needed. Love just is there in slightest things. When my son looks up at me and smiles when he hears my voice, or when he is fussy and the sound of my voice calms him down, that is love. That is all the reassuring I need that I am loved.
That is motherhood for me. 
 

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